Separation...

- just a little of what i'm feeling at this moment... tonight...

it's not mine...


Separation

Your absence has gone through me.
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

~William S. Merwin


i'm missing what i became accustomed to... i'm missing the company, the words, and the attention of the one who captured my heart & thoughts... ayyy...

each day is easier for me, however, at times like this, times like when i'm done with my day & my thoughts aren't clouded or occupied by others - times like this when i have time on my hands to think of... what could've been... it's times like these that i miss him... the most...

that's all...

your constant companion,

~deirdra

One Day At A Time...

- early in the day - i became that lioness that retreats to her cave (when she needs to think & process things) i didn't say surrender - because in the evening i emerged feeling alot better... thank God!!! it's only been one day, however, i do believe that time heals all... as cliche as that may sound... i'm feeling good... one day at a time is all i can hope for... ;)

- i can't blame him... i can only look to myself... things that have occurred are because i have allowed it... yes, i allowed them...because i was hopeful, hopeful that this was it, hopeful that we could grow and move forward.... however, if you're reading this then you know that wasn't the case... it's all good, though... out of all bad - comes good ---- i know that "this too shall pass"

- i'm grateful to have shared the 'good times' --- i guess some things must come to an end...

- now it's time for ME!

- time for me to really focus on what's important & achieve those goals... time to love Deirdra so that i may be a better person, a better mommy & a better friend... ;)

- i'm thankful for my buddies out there who constantly remind me of what i have to offer & that there's always tomorrow...

- i'm grateful for new opportunities... to Shine!

your constant companion,

~deirdra

What a blow to my heart...

- tonight, something disturbing happened... i became totally aware that people don't really care when they have hurt someone... i have learned that most people are selfish, self centered, self absorbed and just plain mean sometimes... :'( now, i know you're probably thinking, "no, this is not true, Deirdra"... however, i'm not buying it... i have bought it for way too long now... i have justified and justified and convinced myself otherwise, however, to no avail... i lost !!!

- tonight, my heart has been broken... u know, for a long time - i built a wall around me - i felt protected... like nothing could penetrate it - like i would be safe... and then i met someone and i decided to open up - to take a chance on this wonderful emotion - called, "love" ---- it felt great... i thought, "wow, this is so wonderful, i was missing out"........... but i quickly learned that the heart is the biggest deceiver... i was so blinded... i wanted to believe so bad - so bad i could taste it... you know what i mean? some of my friends would say that i am ruled by my heart - but, i always thought - isn't that what people really want... deep down inside... don't they want someone to love them & accept them for who they are,,, who wants to be be with someone who is always negative or complaining or crabby all of the time... or even judgmental? Right? i thought that if i let my "wall" down & it came crashing down on me tonite - i thought that if i did that - that i would find what my heart was searching for...

- i'm totally vulnerable right now... a place i'm not too comfortable with... but, hey maybe there is someone out there that needs to read this and know that they are not alone... and you know what, amidst this merciless pain i'm feeling - i still believe deep down that "love, is where it's at" does that make me stupid, or silly? i don't know - what i do know is that it's what My Lord promises for me... i can't see it right now - however, i have to hold onto that faith - that i will encounter that "one" for me...

- geez, my heart is split in two ... and i can no longer wear this mask anymore... i have to let it be known...

your constant companion,

~deirdra

Endurance,,,

The manner in which one endures what must be endured is more important than the thing that must be endured-Dean Acheson

I know so many folks who come apart when they are confronted with adversity. First, they chastise themselves for not living up to what must be endured; then they blame others for "getting in the way" of their problem solving; and before long the entire situation has escalated beyond its original importance.

That reaction is, of course, merely another form of subterfuge. All of us are masters of "diverting" the issue. But it's not just grace under fire that we need to learn. We need to understand what is worth noting as a correctable error and what is worth calling 911 to fix.